w h a t   N O T   t o   d o   a r o u n d   a   L o t R   c r a z e d   
f r i e n d   !

. . . . you surf down the stairs on a metal tray.
. . . . you come out of the exam hall saying, "It's been knife-work up here."
. . . . you learn how to braid your hair like Legolas.
. . . . you suffer severe bodily harm after attempting to ride a horse elvish-fashion: without bridle or saddle.
. . . . you try to control the said horse with only a spoken word to emulate the "elvish way" with all good beasts.
. . . . you scream till you faint and the paramedics are needed, at the sight of Legolas on-screen.
. . . . you buy all the Burger King/ McDonald's/ A & W/ any fast food outlet's set meals in the hopes of getting the Legolas action figure.
. . . . you bug your parents to give you archery lessons so you can kick-butt, Elvish style.
. . . . you steal your mother's Thanksgiving carving knives and attempt to turn them into Elvish blades.
. . . . after you have done that, you slice up all your stuffed toys, fighting 'orcs' and 'cave trolls'.
. . . . you frighten your science teacher in school, by killing the frog that you were supposed to dissect by firing a pencil inside its mouth and imitating guttural troll sounds.
. . . . you spread pillows (white only) all around the house and attempt to 'walk on snow' like an elf.
. . . . you have an instinctive dislike for short, tubby, bearded men who carry axes, wear overstuffed coats and are often drinking beer.
. . . . you hate caves.
. . . . you dye your hair blond and tie it up Legolas-style.
. . . . you take to wearing blue contact lenses to make your eyes look more 'Elvish'.
. . . . you attempt to run across a flimsy string stretched from the roof of your house and your neighbour's without holding anything.
. . . . the principal walks down the hall and you say, "Something draws near. I can feel it" in a mock dramatic whisper.
. . . . an announcement is made over the PA system, you say "There is a fell voice on the air".
. . . . someone asks for volunteers, you rise in one smooth motion and say "And you have my bow".
. . . . you watch LOTR at least 500 times just to look at Legolas.
. . . . you tape all of Legolas' lines from the movie and play them indefinitely, EVERYWHERE you go.
. . . . your e-mail address reads either:
I_love_Legolas@.../ Legolasfan@.../ aieeLegolas@.../ Legolas_rocks@.../ a string of related addresses.
. . . . you end up bedridden for a week after practicing your Elf walk: noiseless and controlled.
. . . . you do the online biorhythm match over and over just to get a good match with Legolas.
. . . . your room is 'repainted' (floor, ceiling, door) with Legolas posters.
. . . . you learn to speak Quenya/ Sindarin/ Telerin just to be able to understand what Legolas says (in the Two Towers). To hell with everyone else.
. . . . you start dreaming about Legolas.
. . . . your computer desktop wallpaper has Legolas on it.
. . . . you hang yourself to the fan by your ears to make them pointy.
. . . . you overhaul your wardrobe to include only clothes that are green and brown, with a distinctly Elvish flair.
. . . . you save your brother from a terrible fall by yanking on his hair and pulling him up.
. . . . your parents don't allow you to go to a party, you cry "A plague on the parents and their stiff necks!".
. . . . the only thing you know how to write in Elvish is Legolas.
. . . . you compose love poetry and devote them to Legolas.
. . . . you name your mother's plant Legolas
. . . . you write stories about marrying Legolas and having his children
. . . . you think that Legolas is the next best thing since sliced bread.
. . . . you give your friends 'Support Legolas Greenleaf' badges.
. . . . your parents say that you call for Legolas in your sleep.
. . . . your parents freak at the sight of your report card and when they ask you to explain, you say "It laments of grades. I cannot translate it yet for you, for the grief is still too near for me to bear".
. . . . you learn how to braid your hair like Legolas and you constanly stop people asking if you can do their hair....
. . . . you visit sites like these!

« back to humour section